64 The Woman In Me…

I feel am truly blessed – for too many reasons. I woke up today, stretched my body to wave off lethargy. Twisting my neck, I slowly opened my eyes, sliding window curtains open and feeling the warmth of sunrays on me. I realized that I woke up late today than I usually do- No, I didn’t really turn for the wall clock and neither did I pull out my mobile. But I knew that at the regular timings I wake up, sunrays are too tender to hurt and don’t generally intrude onto my bed!   A perfect Sunday morning, I thought.  I love the view of the outside world from my window. Sitting and relaxing right on my bed, I sometimes watch the world pass by!
Across the road under the huge tree, there’s this old couple who struggles day in and day out for livelihood selling idlies and dosas. People already gathered there to break the day’s fast. Dragging my legs close to me, I rested my head on my knees; looking out from the window. As I watch the world which has started its day long before, my thoughts lingered about the heated argument that I had with one of my good pals yesterday.
We had been sharing a close and genuine friendship for a while now, and it seemed to me that an hour of ‘words-exchange’ thing that crept up apparently for no logical reasons carried enough energy to tear the tender relation apart. “Hmmmmm…:-<” I sighed deeply… recalling the harsh statement he made on me, which could never possibly get out of my heart… It seemed a different story to me that he called me back apologizing for what he spitted out in anger and that he did not mean it.  I tried my best to forget and forgive, for it was not completely his mistake. But then; evil called hatred had already been injected into my heart! I started to realize how powerful hate is. I never wanted to overlook the good times we shared emphasizing on the sentence which he vented out in no control of his. I was lost in my own world of thoughts and recalling; when I was startled by the door bell. I hate the sound of my door bell which is less calling and more alarming. :|

       Ufff 8-| I know it’s my maid… She’s my wake-up call on week days! As she entered into the house, I observed that she’s unusually dull today. “Is everything okeh?” I asked… she turned around, smiled and said “Yes”. This was more disturbing as she goes blah blah and has all the problems of the world to share with; especially when asked if everything is ok. I turned back, went into my room and settled @ my favorite place - On my bed beside the window, watching the world out. But this time, I wasn’t thinking about my lost friend. I was thinking about lost me! Not many days ago, one of my very good and childhood friends asked me what I wanted to be in life. And it’s time that I put the same question to myself. Sunrise to sunset, what am I struggling for? What am I expecting out of me? 

Well, I always aimed for future. To be a responsible daughter, caring sister, honest citizen, loving wife, best mother, an example daughter-in-law and after all these, if time permits, a successful professional- is what I always wanted to be. But… Am I?  

My momma says am indeed a responsible daughter and that she feels am an invaluable possession! My bro says am a caring siso that every bro would long for! And my conscious says I’ve always been an honest citizen so far. And for the rest, time has to tell me – Q sera sera, whatever will be-will be; futures’ not ours to see! Following and chasing my thoughts, I knew what my next task in life is! Will I be a loving wife? Well, to be responsible, caring, honest and faithful to a person isn’t a big deal for me. But to love him and to love him with all that I have? Loving a person who isn’t from your family isn’t as easy as said, I thought! Or maybe it is, if he meets my expectations. “HOLD ON…” I thought, “My Expectations :-o?!?”… Now, what the hell am I expecting out of a guy whom I know as good as an alien? What does ‘the woman in me want?’

Loving, understanding, friendly, cooperative, smart and with good sense of humor, is what every girl dreams for in her man and am no exceptional with these. But the woman in me needs something else from the man in “him”! 

Since my childhood, I’ve been taking compliments that am too matured for my age and I grew up having friends who are double and few are perhaps triple my age. I rarely am on par with friends of my age… well,:-? does that mean I may have chances to fall for someone who already crossed the age bracket of mine? May be! I always wanted someone, whose very thought makes me smile! He should be clever, quick witted, have great sense of humor and above all, he should read me… He should find me transparent enough to be read and heard even if am miles away! Lol… these are all book binded stories, I know, but this is what the woman in me needs from the man in “him”!! Before I could continue any further or chase my thoughts, the monster in my belly popped up screaming its time for my breakfast! Oh yeah, am hungry, I thought looking at the idli point… There’s lot more that the woman in me longs for… and yes, it’s not a perfect pink world that every girl dreams for… It’s something different which I would speak about in my future posts as am rushing off now to break my day’s fast… 

Sayonara :-h

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